Despite · Life

Considering this actually got me a place last summer, I figured I might as well get the word out there that I'm looking for a place to live for this summer and next year, preferably in Waltham but around here/Boston works OK too.  This year Matt Kamm is also involved in the search.  We want a 2-bedroom place, and would not like to pay too much more than $500/month each in rent.  As I have already found one very real 3-bedroom prospect, we are also entertaining the possibility of bringing in a third roommate, preferably but not necessarily someone we know.  If you know of any habitation opportunities around here, please let me know.  We are getting kicked out of our dorms on May 18, so being able to move in on June 1st would be ideal.  I at least am staying around for the whole year, though, and my parents live only 40 minutes from Waltham, so I'm thinking long-term and will definitely consider July and even August move-ins.  If you might know a guy who knows a guy, pass the message along.  If you want to contact me directly, my number is 508-733-5559.  Thanks everyone!

Happy New Year!

In 2009 I...

Did community service to clear my criminal record
Passed all my classes
Learned how to Contra Dance
Made 22 paintings in one month
Made one painting in three months
Jumped off a stage in high heels
Fell off a stage in a blindfold
Quit my job
Started three new jobs (ok, I am only getting paid for one of them)
Discovered that I really like Fairy Tales
Lived on my own for the whole summer, paying for food and rent with my own money and working for it
Said goodbye forever (ostensibly) to the first girl I ever fell in love with
Met at least two of the most important people I'll ever know
Cried harder than I've ever cried before (I know, I'm a sensitive guy)
Lived
Loved
Learned
Taught
Created
Grieved
Feared
Desired
Dreamt

And in 2009, what will I do?

Live,
Love,
Learn,
Teach,
Create,
Grieve,
Fear,
Desire,
Dream.

Love never dies.  Fear never dies.  Hope never dies.
Dreams never die.
Live your life.

Hey everyone.  I am 7/8 done with college. Ho hum.  My midyear art show went great.  I feel like a lot of people really got my work, in that they were confused or bothered by the things that were supposed to confuse or bother them, and in general just intrigued by the stuff that was meant to intrigue them.  My work at the Arlington School is going very well.  The funny thing is I really have no idea how I'll do in my classes.  My Practicum class grade has nothing to do with how well I'm doing at my site, and my Senior Studio grade has nothing to do with how the show went.  My journals and exams in Psych have received lukewarm reception, and I didn't do nearly as much work in Studio as I should have.  Also I didn't complete most of the assignments in Drawing.  Oh well!  Next semester will be interesting.

For the break I am working at Lemberg and at Arlington, and living in Matt's grad suite, and hopefully making some art.  I am going to visit Jennifer in New York.  There is not enough time.  Peace.

Today I cracked open my latest paycheck, representing two weeks of work.
It was for $450.42.  A smile broke out on my face, and I might have cheered slightly.
My next thought was, "Haha, wow, when did a paycheck this size become exciting?"
And now, I realize, it's mostly because of how I earned it.

Space stands sharper in memory.
Sometimes I feel like I've lived here my entire life, and always will live here.  Like my entire life fits neatly in these three months as hopes, dreams, and memories.
There are things about this place that I won't miss, and others I never wanted, but it's mostly made of pleasant moments, like every space.  The night sky is beautiful.  The land around here is flat and clear, and the lights from the surrounding suburbs is much less than overwhelming.  Still, I can't help but think of the best sky I've ever seen.
I spent a night in rural, unoccupied southern Utah with my mother, my sister, and her boyfriend, at a small house owned by his grandparents.  They were Mormons, so the house was filled with children's books about Joseph Smith and paintings of Jesus that made it difficult for my mother to sleep.  We went outside to see the sky.  It was perfectly clear; unobstructed by clouds, trees, buildings, or light.  There were so many starts that I realized I had never really seen anything before in my entire life.
We were startled by the sounds of a large animal nearby, and realized that we were sharing our space with a domesticated horse.  Eventually the bugs and the heat got the best of us and we went inside to sleep.  For some reason, as I lay on my blue air mattress, staring at the ceiling, I began to think of my father and his inevitable death, and cried myself to sleep.  It's still one of the only thoughts that makes me cry.  We all slept through the night, unhindered by grief or Jesus or Joseph Smith, and the next morning the horse escaped.
Space stands sharper in memory.  I wonder if I knew then, as I know now, that I'll always remember the time that passed in that small house.  I wonder how my life since then frames the emotions and the sensations of that night, and how my life from here on will frame each moment in memory.

Figured I'd do a normal life entry for a change, since sometimes that's what LJ is for.  Moved out of Village A438 this morning forever (catch my last entry for my feelings on that).  Drove home to Millis with a car full of stuff.  On the way I went to Natick to get an old Banana Republic paycheck that for some reason had over $300 on it.  I feel rich.  Used a Barnes and Noble gift card to buy Alice in Wonderland and a collection of Grimm's fairy tales.  Never again am I reading anything written for adults.  I also decided it would be OK to splurge a bit and buy the new Portishead album.  I will tell you about it later if you ask.  So I came home and started unpacking things, but I am moving back to Waltham in three weeks so mostly everything will stay in boxes.  Tonight I watched Lost with my mother, and then played Metroid Prime 2, because I never managed to finish it and have decided to start again from the beginning and give it another go.  Then I watched Children of Paradise, which is a nice French movie from 1945 with a lot of mimes in it.  It is a pretty great movie.  I also shared some absinthe with my dad, and talked about how annoying old ladies who shop are.  I guess maybe it's OK being home sometimes.

I awoke today to find that I have everything unpleasant about the life of a 45-year-old man with none of the benefits. 

I went to work today in a shirt and tie and grey slacks, and my body is just bad enough that it kind of grosses me out but not bad enough that I am seriously motivated to do anything about it.  I am not really fat but sort of blobby, and I am displeased by my body hair.  My job is good enough that I don't complain, and pays well enough to sustain me, but luxuries are few, far between, and less appreciated each time.  Now, I'm a realist.  I expected all these things to happen to me eventually.

But I also was kind of hoping that I'd be married and have two daughters by then.  See, then I could pull their pictures out of my wallet on my lunch break while I eat my tepid food and think "Oh, right, I'm doing this for them."  I'd go back to work with a smile on my face every day, without fail.  I'd fake my way through it all, day in and day out, and I'd come home to love, instead of an empty room with an ironing board.

Who am I doing this for, again?